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Unfit For Heaven
Hoingle Spoingle Wizard Sweatshirt
Hoingle Spoingle Wizard Sweatshirt
Regular price
$35.00 USD
Regular price
Sale price
$35.00 USD
Unit price
/
per
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Hoingle Spoingle does not forget.
He has watched you stumble through life with the cold, unblinking gaze of someone who knows exactly how it all ends—and is deeply disappointed by the journey. Every missed opportunity, every terrible haircut, every desperate late-night decision... Hoingle Spoingle has archived them. Alphabetically. He reviews them often.
He is not a kind wizard. His magic smells like burnt fabric and regret. His fingers are too long. His hat is full of whispering things that once had names. When he speaks, you hear your worst thoughts echoed back in a voice that isn’t quite human.
Wearing this shirt won’t protect you. But it will make one thing clear:
You’ve been seen. And you’ve been judged.
• 100% cotton face
• 65% cotton, 35% polyester
• Charcoal Heather is 55% cotton, 45% polyester
• Fabric weight: 8.5 oz/y² (288.2 g/m²)
• Tightly knit 3-end fleece
• Side-seamed construction
• Self-fabric patch on the back
• Double-needle stitched rib collar, cuffs, and hem
• Blank product sourced from Pakistan
Disclaimer: This sweatshirt runs small. For the perfect fit, we recommend ordering one size larger than your usual size.
This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!
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He has watched you stumble through life with the cold, unblinking gaze of someone who knows exactly how it all ends—and is deeply disappointed by the journey. Every missed opportunity, every terrible haircut, every desperate late-night decision... Hoingle Spoingle has archived them. Alphabetically. He reviews them often.
He is not a kind wizard. His magic smells like burnt fabric and regret. His fingers are too long. His hat is full of whispering things that once had names. When he speaks, you hear your worst thoughts echoed back in a voice that isn’t quite human.
Wearing this shirt won’t protect you. But it will make one thing clear:
You’ve been seen. And you’ve been judged.
• 100% cotton face
• 65% cotton, 35% polyester
• Charcoal Heather is 55% cotton, 45% polyester
• Fabric weight: 8.5 oz/y² (288.2 g/m²)
• Tightly knit 3-end fleece
• Side-seamed construction
• Self-fabric patch on the back
• Double-needle stitched rib collar, cuffs, and hem
• Blank product sourced from Pakistan
Disclaimer: This sweatshirt runs small. For the perfect fit, we recommend ordering one size larger than your usual size.
This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!
